Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
