He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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