Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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