you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Less talking, more tequila
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
