Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
