Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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