I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize