i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
