Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
