Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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