he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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