Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
