oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize