So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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