if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
