i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
