I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
