You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize