"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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