I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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