connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
