maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
