i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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