She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
