The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
