Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
