Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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