I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
