I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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