i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have post one night stand depression
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