its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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