she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize