I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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