Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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