you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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