I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
