Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
