My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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