I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
