Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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