Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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