So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
