Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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