every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
