lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
