i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
