"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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