Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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