no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
