I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
