I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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