i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
