we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
