i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
