What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
