First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
