I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
