i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
