well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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