She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
