i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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