I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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