bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
