no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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