Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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