I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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