ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
