i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
