I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
