Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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