i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
