woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
