I am puke
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
