im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
