just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
