She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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