New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just had sex bonerless
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My dick has a subreddit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Congratulations! We have a period
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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