im drinking this country out of the recession.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
