i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
