Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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