he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
