wanna go halves on a baby?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
